I have something to say - Boredom comes full circle.

1. All violent criminals are the scum of the earth.

2. Deep down, we're all conservatives.

3. Think you’re pure? Hell no, we’re all hypocrites.

3. Charles Bronson is the man!

Disclaimer: This is not sarcasm. It's just the way things are. Read on. It’s the holidays. I got a lot of time sitting around and thinking. And watching movies. Watch Death Wish (1974). You'll know what i mean.

Once again it's the celebration of the Death and Resurrection of Jesus Christ. Yes, it’s Jesus I’m talking about, the actual longhaired hippie dude from 2000 years ago. For you, He was probably a beacon of light, a symbol of hope and goodness or maybe an icon for the only way to live your life. For me, I’m just writing what I feel. No offence to Him up there.

When I think back, I remember the guy as the one that scared the shit out of me at my Granduncle’s house when I was a kid because there were pictures and carvings of the guy in his room. No joke, no bullshit. I had a small heart back then. It’s growing bigger now though. What's worse, in every picture he was shown either walking through the streets, bleeding to death or dragging a super huge cross on his shoulder while people flayed the skin off his bones. He was nailed to that chunk of wood with some guy jabbing a spear into his guts too. And if it wasn't the pictures on the wall that had me cowering up my own asshole wanting to go home, it was when I had to go into his room to use the toilet. Cos it was cleaner than the one in the kitchen at that time.

Now, I don't really have much of a beef against any of His true blue believers. It’s just unfair sometimes, when the people who sin get away unpunished.

But I do have a beef with the naming convention used for this holiday.

The Friday before Easter is the celebration of the crucifixion of Jesus Christ by the Jews, which I think is common knowledge that is blindly accepted by anyone in the Christian world simply because most people don't actually practice their religion and it means a free day off work. Not many people really sit down and think about the history behind the day, and if they did, I am sure it would raise a few eyebrows. Oh so true. So true, you hypocrites out there.

What is Good Friday?

I remember asking one random friend, who was a ‘Christian’, who replied, "Good Friday is a Christian holiday!"
Another line I heard from, this applies to us all, was quoted as saying, "Good Friday has nothing to do with the Church, and it is simply a day off for families to get ready for the Christian celebration of Easter."

Damn sure you were right, friends! It’s time to visit church and feast on the muffs and pies of the nubile virgins. Yah, we all know that church is a breeding ground for potential serial rapists and sadists. So many mass cult killings in the past too, all these related to religion. I suppose some people really DO believe, but times change. Hormones change and guess what? People change.

So much for getting any information from the ‘church goers’.

Of course, there's always the Internet, books and I always have my personal opinion. Crucifixion is simply defined as "An extremely difficult, painful trial; torturous suffering" by some site I found on the Internet. Now, I don't know about you, but the description of this practice sends more than a few shivers down my spine, into each leg and eventually buzzes around in my toes for a few minutes before dissipating into pleasant little sparks that exit from beneath my toenails. How the Hell could they even call it a celebration, for that matter?! Good means happy, and does anyone honestly think that He was saying things like the words I wrote below before getting crucified...

"WOOHOO! This is great, I'm going to be beaten with metal floggers until my flesh is peeling off my bones, then be forced to drag a half-tonne cross through the boiling hot streets. After that, when I am too exhausted to even talk, I'll experience the joy of having big metal spikes driven through my hands and feet, pinning me to this cross I've been dragging.

FUCKING COOL! Finally I'll be raised up and exhibited – my manhood covered by a thin piece of loincloth and have a spear driven into my side. WOOHOO… this is SWEET! Give me some more!"

I doubt it, unless He was into some kinky, sadist fetishes. So why do we celebrate his suffering? Why do we call it 'Good' Friday? Of course, the church doctrines on this give us all sorts of backwards answers, double-talk and excuses such as it stemming from the moniker "God's Friday". I don’t know. Some of what I have written is untrue and part of my exaggeration, but come on, you get the point.

Why do those people go to church so dutifully every Sunday and once they come out, its like unleashing a serial rapist/child molester/pedophile into the classrooms of kindergarten kids and then locking the doors.

No matter what sort of philosophical talk you give it, Good Friday is still about a guy being beaten to an inch of his life, forced to drag the instrument of his death through the streets in humiliation while being beaten up some more and then savagely nailed to the cross through His arms and feet until He is unconscious, then stabbed in the side to be finished off. If you watched The Passion of the Christ, you'd know what I'm talking about. You can coat it with all the honey and milk chocolate you want, it's still a shitty way to go.

I think Good Friday needs to have an overhaul.

I am sick and tired of shit in this society being sugar coated and written in code so it covers the horrible truths underneath. I think cigarettes should be named after the diseases they cause, I think airlines should be forced to show all the hidden service and extra fees and have them included in the advertised ticket prices and I think women with fake tits should be forced to wear readable labels on their shirts that say '90% silicon, 10% real tissue'. And I think Good Friday should be renamed something more appropriate to portray its historical meaning.

Something like, "What a fucking horrible and painful way to die" Day.

Of course, these are not final decisions and I would invite anyone to chair a meeting and run through a few other ideas, but it's a start. The point is, Christianity has always covered up the truth with cutesy names, elaborate ceremonies and catchy advertisments to keep the seats filled and the donations rolling in and it's time to stop shrouding the truth and embrace the horrible shit that their faith is built upon. Describe in vivid details the murder of all the first-born sons and describe how God is a vengeful bastard when it comes to fucking with his divine plan. KILL THE FUCKING JAYWALKERS WHO INTENTIONALLY STEP IN FRONT OF A CAR WHEN IT’S ABOUT TO MOVE OFF, YOUNG OR OLD, FUCKING KILL THEM!

Stop covering up all the tragedies and criminal acts in the Bible with confusing linguistics and broken speech. If you're going to revise the stories, do it properly and put it into true and honest speech so that everyone can understand just how "good" Good Friday is and just how "good" the Good Book is. Yah I know there are standards of English to be maintained, but come on, isn’t religion supposed to be understood by everyone, even a commoner like me? What if I can’t read? Then how am I supposed to help these ‘pure people’ spread the good faith? Am I fucked for being unable to read and understand?

If you are anything like I am, and on a less violent, abrasive and outspoken level you probably are, you more than likely get fed up with the constant barrage of useless rants by me. But the truth is, there are hypocrites and sinners out there waiting to die. These shit stains are smeared in our faces everywhere we look, like shit forced into a dog’s face by its owner when it drops a load on that wonderful floor that you’ve just mopped clean, but we say and do nothing because we simply can’t. There are laws. We can’t bend laws, can we? We just have to sit and wait for those pig fuckers to go home and rape their own mothers. These people have caused more than a simple gag reflex in us, a full on projectile vomit fest that took weeks to mop up. You may agree with what I write and you may not, but remember this always - If you do not agree with the views expressed by me on this site, let me remind you that you can simply ‘Fuck Off’.

Happy GOOD FRIDAY in advance to everyone, and I hope you had a wonderful "Holy living mother of God this is a really shitty way to die" Day.

all because of DA BOMB

Your power of faith can help you to achieve what you want in life.The purpose of life is to help you build character and wisdom through experience. There will always be adversity to overcome, obstacles to clear and problems to solve. A person's success depends greatly on his/her faith. If you think you can succeed, yes you can, if you think you cannot succeed, yes you CAN'T.
That's how powerful your faith will work for you. The extent of an achievement that a person can bring to his/her life is the measure of the faith within that person. When there is no faith, then the person life will be feeble and lacking in achievement. When there is faith, then great achievement will follow that person.
The power of faith is illimitable and inexhaustible. All that is required is an unquenchable belief and trust in it. The weakest and most timid person can make use of this power. There is the same power in the timid and weak as in the brave and strong. The weakness of the former is due to a lack of faith and belief in the infinite power within them.

Our happiness and true success depend upon how the troubles and difficulties of life are met. Adversity comes to all, but if it is met in the right manner, even failure can be made the stepping stone to success. Trouble comes to all but while it makes some people stronger and better in every way, it can submerges others so that they never rise again.

So how come my dad did not tio the 10million toto jackpot when he has been such a loyal supporter of toto with infinite amounts of faith in it? i also have faith in him that he will tio, but why it never happen huh? sadness man. pure, utter, super undeniable sadness. maybe its retribution for saying DA BOMB....she still is what. last night even more super DA FUCK'IN BOMBS!

no more GT-R. no more king of the road :(

no more Swift Sport to cheong with :(

DA BOMB

IT'S DA FREAK'IN BOMB?
?
?
?

Her head was beginning to spin. The small dark, fine printed words on the thin pale page belonging to the thick maroon book of How to be DA BOMB were starting to blur, clustering into a jumbled group of unreadable letters. She sighed, rubbing her throbbing temples before flipping to another page. Outside, the sun struck post noon, its bright light seeping through the half-open window blinds, illuminating the scarlet wooden dressers, bookshelves, and her striped emerald bed in the tidy white room. Allegedly it was supposed to be one of the hottest days of the year, however, she couldn’t tell; the air conditioner was running. Turning to the window, she lifted the window blinds, pressing her face to the surprisingly warm flexible glass. She frowned, disgruntled.
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then, Da Bomb went back to sleep. Jump to the next paragraph. i'm sick of writing intros, now lets get into the fat of the story.

fat jokes aside now. just saw a movie, a really good movie with no fat people in it. no da bombs. i like the story and the way it was shot. the longer it went on, the more i felt something towards it. maybe because there were no da bombs in it or maybe the girl resembled another girl in my class, i just cant put a finger on it. i really got into the story. cos it resembled an earlier part of my life. i was thinking in my head if this were me, i'd be over the moon if my fate ever ended up like the one in the movie.
then i thought. is this person really worth my effort? not talking about helping da bomb lose some kilos or what,

FAT JOKES ASIDE PLEASE! CONCENTRATE ON WRITING THIS PASSAGE!

okok, really at the end, i came to a conclusion that this whole time i spent waiting was worth nothing. take skimpy photos of yourself more and whore yourself out to overweight da bombs everywhere. take your face and mop the floor up with it. brrrr....the world is getting colder. i feel cold. the fat jokes in my head are beginning to freeze and fall off. humans are weak. bruce is tough. da bomb is the ultimate hottest sensation in school. and the bear in my car is stupid. i dont like these moments, but if you ever come across this and see what i have written and you say abnormal things that drunk women would say, then i still wont feel a thing.

cue emo music. let me go sit in a corner. dim the lights. the river of tears flow freely from my heart and out from my eyes. i lay in a fetal position. the world outside is cold and cruel. emo moment over. the sun rises and the birds chirp freely. it's a bright new day.

i also wish my good friend, my fair friend, my pretty friend, my hot friend, my fat friend ty happy birthday.

Most Stupid

A single word or tone or facial expression can send a man into a hole so deep you’d have better luck finding leopards in leotards. A man’s ego is vulnerable, especially (but not exclusively) to a woman he finds value in, such that he could be crushed, even by accident. Crushed meaning he gets into a rut wherein he never accesses his emotions.

The very same ego that could be crushed by the tone of a woman’s voice, can also drive the man perform some of the most heroic, selfless, and bordering on miraculous acts ever imagined. It is this same ego that when faced with peril, impossibility, or certain doom, says, “WHAT THE FISH…” and runs into the water, braving the man eating fishes that lurk there.

The complexity comes when trying to understand how to deal with this incredibly powerful and sensitive force called the male ego. This has mystified women for centuries, and I suggest will continue to for centuries to come. i'm still confused myself. It’s not as mystifying to the men themselves. It’s not that they have themselves figured out, but it is harder to know that there is mystery when you are the mystery.

Like today. i forgot something so basic like filming the colour charts before going for the actual take. It felt very stupid, knowing that this IS the foundation for every take... I felt stupid. So stupid that i took my anger out on some woman driver who wanted to cut into my lane. The strange thing is, i was feeling down and dumb at first...then when the woman flashed her headlights at me, i experienced a roid raging moment. i don't know how or why, it just happened. next thing i knew, i felt like a hero, riding on a wave of swear words not even known by the people who publish the Oxford Dictionary every year.

exactly what i was saying above....the male ego is a strange mystery. i'm always telling myself to grow up and all. seems that all i do now is roid rage whenever i'm alone in the car. males are stupid childish assholes, always thinking of winning.

For the others out there, I wish I could give you the key to the male ego. I can’t. But here are some guidelines.

1. Your efforts to control it or manipulate it depends on yourself. Be rash and you will fail. one day i will piss someone off and i will get hacked or beaten or roid raged to death by some random roider.

2. Affirmimg without partonizing is a tightrope act that is worth the effort to perfect. The male ego is fuled on affirmation. However, it must the right kind of affirmation. wah, so deep. i amaze myself sometimes....come on, i DO have my moments :)
See? male ego talking again. i never learn, do i?

3. If you think the male ego is all about sex, you’re wrong. Sometimes sex is all a man has to fall back on because he has no other outlet for his expression of power - besides anger. When you find a man finding meaning in his work, a passion for his art, a vision for his children, or something that engages his ability to matter, then is he going to want to have lots of sex? Of course he will still want that. However, since he has many outlets, there is a different meaning to the desire. He does not have to rely upon sex and sex alone for satisfaction in his life. Sex then can carry a healthy level of life satisfaction and love expression. if there's no sex, just turn on the computer and surf the net for porn. simple. fast. effective. safe. happy time.

Well, that’s enough for today. Tomorrow we’re going to talk about sexy women. Seriously.
wait. i already mentioned the allure of the fair woman.
let's talk about the allure of the chubby Ah Pui.

thanks

it's done now. the thing that has kept me and others up for countless nights is over. now we roll forward into the post production stage.

i'm happy and sad too.

happy that i managed to finish my shoot with minimal problems and happy to see people smiling on our set. really, when a person smiles in a crowd of frowns, it really makes a difference. this is one project that i really really enjoyed. seeing peoples' faces after completing each cock shot from my shot list made me laugh inside. some shots were tough yet they still did it. i really appreciate the effort that you guys put in.

sad that some of my friends had to go through more than what i did to get things moving. i felt it too. the pain of trying to get something done when others are not helping. doing someone else's work just to get the film going. these are the downs in life but after this, there will always be something better at the end of the road.

seeing them strive for the best through tears and sweat made me realize that this was the time, that time where everyone was near the finishing line. one last sprint and that was it. i really wished that we could have done something to help, but we cant be at 2 places at the same time. this is a project that everyone should be proud of. this is what you have done. really, just go for it. because, there is always A Better Tomorrow. :)

many thanks to the people who have helped our group in the completion of our film.

they are -

Pamela, Kai Xiang, Kang Sheng, Deborah, Chia Sin, Kavin, Ben, Joanne,

Adelene, Audrey, Sammy, Kwang Wei, Desh, Daryl, Don, Jolene, CJ and Benson.

hope i never miss out anyone.

the crew - Yvonne, Marcus, TY, Sean, Daniel, Rainkun and Anthony.

BALA to you all.

May you all have HARD ONs for leotards in years to come.

JOURNEY

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are. After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation, when we retire. The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when?
Your life will always be filled with challenges. It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.

This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time...and remember that time waits for no one.
So... stop waiting until you finish school, until you go back to school, until you lose ten pounds, until you gain ten pounds, until you have kids, until your kids leave the house, until you start work, until you retire, until you get married, until you get divorced, until Friday night, until Sunday morning, until you get a new car or home, until your car or home is paid off, until spring, until summer, until fall, until winter, until you are off welfare, until the first or fifteenth, until your song comes on, until you've had a drink, until you've sobered up, until you die, or until you are born again to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy.
Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

FISHERY FRIENDS

In kindergarten your idea of a good friend was the person who let you have the red crayon when all that was left was the ugly black one.
In primary 1 your idea of a good friend was the person who went to the toilet with you as you walked through the scary halls.
In primary 2 your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you cheat in homework.
In primary 3 your idea of a good friend was the person who shared their snacks with you.
In primary 4 your idea of a good friend was the person who was willing to help you do your homework.
In primary 5 your idea of a friend was the person who saved a seat on the bus for you.
In primary 6 your idea of a friend was the person who went up to your crush, and asked her to talk with you, so that if she said no you wouldn't have to be embarrassed.
In secondary 1 your idea of a friend was the person who always knew what you wanted during recess.
In secondary 2 your idea of a good friend was the person who sat beside you on a bus and listened to your angry rants about having a strict curfew.
In secondary 3 your idea of a good friend was the person who went with you to that "cool" party so you wouldn't wind up being the only fisherman there.
In secondary 4 your idea of a good friend was the person who changed their schedule so you would have someone to sit and study with at McDonalds or the airport.
In poly year 1 your idea of a good friend was the person who sat with you in the canteen looking at year 1 girls walking by.
In the first 3 months of army your idea of a good friend was the person who ran with you and made sure that you got to go home every weekend.
In the final year of army your idea of good friends were the people who gave you a sense of new found freedom when you went out with them.
In early poly years (again...haha) your idea of good friends were the people who went out of their way to come over and re assure you that you would make it in life as well as you had these past three years.
And finally during those last days of being in poly, your idea of good friends hugged you as you looked through blurry eyes at three years of memories you were leaving behind.

Now, your idea of a good friend(s) is still the person who -

Gives you the better of the two choices.
Holds your hand when you're scared.
Helps you fight off those who try to take advantage of you.
Thinks of you at times when you are not there.
Reminds you of what you have forgotten.
Helps you put the past behind you but understands
when you need to hold on to it a little longer.
Stays with you so that you have confidence.
Goes out of their way to make time for you.
Helps you clear up your mistakes.
Helps you deal with pressure from others.
Smiles for you when you are sad.
Helps you become a better person.
However most importantly never forgets you!

peace with the inner fiend in the mirror

a woman is like a diamond - she has to be cut to be beautiful.not hollywood beautiful, just look closer to home. mother. you'll agree that self sacrifice and suffering do somehow transfigure a woman and make her more beautiful. but when i first heard this expression, it was not the discussion of anything vaguely related to some shit like world peace or procreation. the person i heard talking, with a hint of irritation and defiance, was going on about plastic surgery.

the conversation went something like that - " i looked like a monster you know! it's like i was born with an 'F' on my beauty card. So what if i secretly wrote a 'D' over it?" demanded this woman. "some women are so ready to judge us because they feel like we're cheated. but you didn't know this: i cut through my own skin and bone, without resorting to magic tricks to become BEAUTIFUL!"

ok so this vain old auntie ( not the school auntie) goes on and on about being beautiful. but i felt something else. before you go saying that the auntie was just plain obsessed, tell me this: have you ever felt ugly before? have you ever looked in the mirror only to find a fiend staring back? i have. sometimes, for the longest time, i was convinced that i was one of the ugliest human beings ever to roam the earth. i had crooked teeth, my nose looked like what you would find in a kway chap bowl and my skin was so rough an ant would simply trip and fall while walking over it. i was a fiend.

if you ask me now what it was like to feel ugly, i'd say it's the most self effacing experience in the world. i would avoid looking into mirrors and places with reflective surfaces. i developed an allergic reaction to the camera because i did not want to leave any evidence behind. i almost totally avoided people.

last time, cosmetic enhancement was the reality for people in hollywood and korea. all i could do was maintain my self enforced exile, soaking in my own misery until i found a new bowl of misery to jump into.

today, everything can be fixed, for a bit of money. the average joe and jane can make a date with the surgeon and emerge looking like a million dollars. i think that our decade now holds the record for the most aesthetic procedures ever done.

this whole thing circles back to the conversation of that vain middle aged auntie. why would women cut themselves up? men sometimes but the topic was about a vain auntie first.

i thought about this issue, and last night, i looked at all the beautiful women backstage. i wondered if 20 years down the road, would any of them really step into the dark side? some have aged gracefully, the others are vibrant with youth, sparking intensely and lighting up the stage with their infinite amounts of charm. but this is all superficial. it's like the old saying - don't judge a book by its cover.

is this plastic movement a quest to find the other fabled counterpart? a partner of equal beauty but zero character? an apple ripe on the outside but rotten at the core?

NO! why? because if you gave me the best surgeons in the world and stylists - God Forbid! - i'm never going to take that route. i'm going to say the most damning thing just to get it out of the way - i love my kway chap ingredient nose, the hairs in it. i like my lopsided eyelids and i love my big face very much! i adore my high pitched 'GO LA! GO LA!' voice to bits. it sounds so sweet to the ears that listening to it excessively will give you diabetes. and if you think that's disgusting, i don't care man.

that being said, if you're still hell bent on following in the footsteps of that vain auntie due to the advancement of medical science to make up for nature's sloppiness, i won't presume to judge you either. i would rather have an apple core than a really red apple which is swollen with with maggots as a friend. all i have to say is this - at some point, all this is going to stop. you have to make peace with the fiend in the mirror. the truth has always been in the mirror since the day you first looked in it. and you're going to have to say "well, this IS me."
i know, because i have.