not too far in but i'm still in. still the pages keep flipping and each time a new page opens in front of me i just carry on doing what i do. Take me down to the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty. nice line from a great song. suddenly i dont feel so funny anymore. do i? friends leaving and meeting new people, it all balances up. funny what irony i seem to be living in. whatever i did before, i'm living it now. feeling awkward is also a feeling i have seldom felt. now, its people who are younger than be by half my age making me feel that way. anyway, this makes a good script, with ups and downs come every page, paragraph and margin. indeed, the time for seriousness is upon me. why so serious? i cant believe it. i missed that great movie with the tag line why so serious. welcome to the jungle i say. a different kind of jungle. no screaming, no bleeding, just happiness and innocence all around. In the jungle, Welcome to the jungle, Watch it bring you to your shun na, na, na, na, na, na, na,na, na, na,na, na knees, knees, I wanna watch you bleed....not so emo nor violent lah. just drifting to another paragraph. sometimes write too long and serious i will get bored. some kind of ignition for excitement is needed. so long never catch up with fellow members of the bookworm club. soon, we will have mass reading sessions again. anyway, silent reading is over. let's just place a bookmark at this unmarked page and come back to it another time. it's time for a different period. 

the HIGHLIGHT of my life

Don’t know why I never learn. Maybe its just something that cant be taught. Tempting fate is no fun. But why did I do it? I could have gotten maimed. Almost died today even. People all around the world are tuning in to catch sport’s biggest event of the year and here I am trying to gamble with my life. I always make them sad. Even if they don’t show it. Luckily today, they didn’t know about it. I really thank whoever is watching over me for the chance to be typing here now. I don’t know how many chances that being will grant me. Soon, it’ll be all used up and the thread will be cut into two. Emotions are funny feelings. At that moment, I tell myself not to do it and a split second later, I do it! Why? I don’t know. Ask those married couples who have just filed for divorce. Some date for over 5 years, get married for 2 months and then severe ties the next day. Why? I also don’t know. I really want to stop tempting fate. But all I do is say it here and then I do nothing about it. When will I stop doing something that will make those around me stop worrying? Today was my lucky day. I really want to stop tempting fate. I will. Starting from this very moment. Higher being, you have my word!

On a brighter note, I never expected that i would say this. Kids are cute! I used to dislike kids but after teaching them for about a month, they really bring a big smile to my face each time I step into class. Guiding them and explaining to them how to go about doing things….these simple things make me feel happy to have instilled something into their minds. I say this with absolutely no bullshit. Today was their sports day. Seeing them so innocent, being happy and excited over the smallest things makes me wish I could turn back time and become one again. All the sins that I have committed would be washed away with the innocence that came with being a kid. A kid. Being a kid is really the time of your life. 

kim is still the best! 

and you have to highlight some things to see them even more clearly.

best

no words to say.
kim the best! :)

THANKS KX FOR YOUR SUPER POWERFUL DSLR NIKON!

You corner me to say something like - oh how can you live that way. what way? i'm just living life the way it is, my way. it's been going on like this for 24 years already. You think I'm wrong with my pride? what's wrong with pride? sometimes pride makes you do stupid things. it makes us play ego fuelled games of one-upmanship against others who barely give a fish about who we are. the end results will always make yourself go down faster than a thai hooker. this hurts. not outside but inside. is it fate? fate that always pits you against me? fate that always tempts and teases me? but in the end fate just pulls the reality away from me.
But let me tell you I am justified. Look to my left and you'll see where I tried. Look to my right to see the crimes. Look through my past and you'll see all the lies I've lied. And thats why I'm justified. The light passes me by. all this while i have been trying to get this out of my head. I tried to wash myself clean. your soul has since then died in my heart. But let me tell you I am doing fine.
Look in my eyes, you'll see my life of crime. the crime of always having you at the back of my mind. it's been going on for well over 10 years. let me be at peace. let yourself be forgotten. you still look fine. very fine in my eyes. but its just like that. a glimpse, a tease, a tickle. then it's gone. i can't even get a hold of your shadow. it's as if a light has been cast and it has filled the darkness left by your shadow. lost. for now. i feel sorry. for myself. for always having this thought in my head. i always tell myself its a lost cause. my friends echo that thought too. somehow, i just have no real answer to this. truly, i have lost. i have lost the will to forget you.
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am i justified?

how come things go by so fast? i didnt even have time to blink and now the future is right here in front of me. busy? sure am. everybody is busy. sometimes when you want something so bad you never get it. then when you take things for granted, that something you wanted so bad in the first place just slips right through your fingers like fine grains of sand. the things you want break into a million pieces and just slowly fade away. memories also fade away after some time but if you try real hard to recollect, they come back. some others just fade away forever. clouds of sadness and gloom appear over the things you desire the most and always force you to look the other way. you never reach your destination. the road keeps getting longer and the skies grow darker each second. wake up, stretch and you might feel some comfort from the bad dream you had the night before. this dream never goes away, it remains inside the brain of ours always lurking. this dream might be good or bad. that depends on how good a person you are. what kind of conscience you have. flip a page and a new dream emerges. have you been here before. maybe yes and maybe no. thinking of a lot of things lately. at work and at home, things and thoughts return to make my head swirl in a never ending journey of questions. so many questions with no answers stuck to them. should i or should i not. can or cannot. why does the air smell funny. why am i doing what i'm doing. working life pays ok, but there are still things a person wants. no complicated things, simple things. some people take a lot for granted, like the ability to chew solid food. yes i do too. isnt it hypocritical of me, writing about what people take for granted? i dont know. do you? does anyone? this book had almost reached its final page. hold on tight. i'll hold on. should we start somewhere else? stay here, dont go and i'll go fetch a bookmark. actually we dont need to go far. if its real we'll make it through. how real is it? does it matter? if you stay you'll be left behind. i'll take my chances by staying behind for now.

wah i hate Man U. and i love my new job. part time only.

always so lucky. always score last minute. luck luck luck. fish them man.

Soon, my new work place.
i have to pass a 2 week course first though.
WAH! looks grand hor! looks like a lot of work to do
but then looks like only.
haha



MY NEW TOY! I GET TO DRIVE THIS! HOW FIERCE MAN!
king of the road.
wah i wish i really could drive this beauty loh. Prime movers in singapore
are super dull looking... :(
look below.


this is something close to what i will be driving. parking this thing is hell man.
sometimes the tail will go left when you reverse right...
really need skill...which i have, needless to say.



Something i took in bangkok. good to see, even better to heed.

....can't sleep. dont know why. just not sleepy. dreaming of joanne peh. its a good dream. but why must she always act in shows which make her as a shady character. she's so pretty, so classy, so elegant, so infinitely BEAUTIFUL! best dream i ever had. wish i was taller then i would look manly beside her. eh? i am manly, just that i have not reached the full potential of manliness yet. that's why she chose *** **** hui. he's taller than me only what. maybe its just puppy love. she'll be through with him in no time. and then she will realize what she's been missing.

Blackburn 1-1 Man Utd

i hate this scoreline. lucky fishers!

That's why i cant sleep. so i try to think of happy thoughts like joanne.


ok, its time for Mythbusters. you should watch this. its entertaining.

this week, it's Supersized Myths.

fuel for thought

As a nation, we suck big time. And the worst part? Very few of us actually recognize it, since us Singaporeans prefer sticking our noses and other unmentionable bits into other people's business rather than taking a deep breath and stepping back to reflect on our own.

Monkey see monkey do may be the cause. babies, young children, i guess, are not likely to know what good is and what the opposite is. As long as the people around them carry on with their daily lives, their offspring will follow suit. It is not hard to spot bad mannered people around. The person writing this entry as of 1947hrs on the 14th of April 2008 is one prime example. Now i am not saying that my parents and ancestors are at fault for my current mannerisms. there are just too many people and if i don't follow them, maybe i was led to follow somebody else.

The fact that we have the right of way does not equate to the right of way. Sometimes, it makes more sense to give way, but our pig headed society always gets in the way of common sense. Is it the ego thingy again? Could be. For some reason, giving way in this country means losing face, throwing our pride down the drain, let alone swallowing it. Somebody who indicates an intention to do something before us has as much chance of surviving as a full cream chocolate bar at a fat camp. HAHA!

Wow. in the space of 2 weeks i have been to 2 countries. In a long time too. It feels so good to look down from the skies. People from other counties are super gracious. Crowded shopping malls? Tight back alleys? Everywhere i walked most of the people gave way to me. Even when i bumped into them, they turned round and - no ugly angry face! Hong Kong and Thailand. Thailand was the better of the 2. Maybe because i went with friends instead of my parents and got much more freedom. Yah it was hot and sweat flowed freely but who cares! The experience was a blast, the local people there were always smiling and the girls there super pretty and naturally and radiantly tan.

Everywhere we went, pretty girls just seemed to pop up from somewhere. Even without makeup, they were beautiful to look at. The cashier at a random 7-11 was the best. Even the toilet cleaners were pretty! None of that slutty cheap Ah Lians that we here have an abundance of. Sad to say.

Sounds good? Inside was like shit man.

We were conned! The performers were all old and overweight da bombs! they had all sorts of shows. Ping Pong show, fucking show, banana show.... it would be exciting if the performers were young and sexy. Alas, it was not to be. The ladyboys there were even better looking than the women! If this world were free of diseases, i swear i would climb into bed with one.

My so called friends planned a something for me. Till now, where's my ah qua?

anyway, ladyboys, bad manners and lava lamps aside, work's going to start soon. really miss school. really miss looking at pretty and beautiful thai girls. really miss not having my ladyboy present.