You corner me to say something like - oh how can you live that way. what way? i'm just living life the way it is, my way. it's been going on like this for 24 years already. You think I'm wrong with my pride? what's wrong with pride? sometimes pride makes you do stupid things. it makes us play ego fuelled games of one-upmanship against others who barely give a fish about who we are. the end results will always make yourself go down faster than a thai hooker. this hurts. not outside but inside. is it fate? fate that always pits you against me? fate that always tempts and teases me? but in the end fate just pulls the reality away from me.
But let me tell you I am justified. Look to my left and you'll see where I tried. Look to my right to see the crimes. Look through my past and you'll see all the lies I've lied. And thats why I'm justified. The light passes me by. all this while i have been trying to get this out of my head. I tried to wash myself clean. your soul has since then died in my heart. But let me tell you I am doing fine.
Look in my eyes, you'll see my life of crime. the crime of always having you at the back of my mind. it's been going on for well over 10 years. let me be at peace. let yourself be forgotten. you still look fine. very fine in my eyes. but its just like that. a glimpse, a tease, a tickle. then it's gone. i can't even get a hold of your shadow. it's as if a light has been cast and it has filled the darkness left by your shadow. lost. for now. i feel sorry. for myself. for always having this thought in my head. i always tell myself its a lost cause. my friends echo that thought too. somehow, i just have no real answer to this. truly, i have lost. i have lost the will to forget you.
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am i justified?